My Story

Well, almost… my entire life was torn apart.

In the span of a year, I lost two businesses, my home, my community, my identity, my creativity, and the fragile health I had battled with all my life.

I was no stranger to adversity, but this tested me far beyond anything I had ever known.

Nature has always been my sanctuary. My earliest memories are of pansies and tiny wild strawberries around my grandparents’ farm, and “my tree” that stood proudly in the front yard of the “Black and White House” in Northern BC.

I’ll never forget the awe I felt when I first stepped into the coastal rainforests of Vancouver Island, where I spent many summers with my family.

When I sat with a plant teacher, Huachuma, in November of 2023, hoping to “fix my nervous system,” I believed a great healing was coming. I was wrong.

Years of built-up mental, emotional, and physical stress combined with the "medicine", created the perfect storm that sent my nervous system into collapse.

But it took months to understand what was happening.

I was trapped in a debilitating physical illness, with bizarre symptoms that didn’t show up on any hospital tests. Nothing made sense.

All I knew was that I felt like I was dying. I could barely walk. My stomach hurt so much I couldn’t eat, and I lost 30 pounds in three months. I was losing my voice. The person I saw in the mirror was unrecognizable.

I had constant tachycardia. My skin crawled like bugs were swarming it. My body twitched uncontrollably, my vision glitched, and my muscles spasmed. As I faced the reality of losing my home and being unable to work, my condition worsened.

It was overwhelming, and every attempt to seek help hit a wall. Each day felt like an eternity.

Everyone had a theory: I was told my “system was overwhelmed,” that I was detoxing, poisoned, going through a kundalini awakening, or even that I was possessed.

I endured this nightmare for six months, one of which was spent in the hospital.

Then, slowly, things began to shift.

My hunger returned. I began to sleep.

My creativity, the one constant in my life, began to stir again.

It was spring. I could smell lilacs, feel the warmth of the sun, and ground myself by walking barefoot on the earth.

I started making little nature videos on Instagram, then began wildcrafting—creating flower-infused bath salts. That led to bath bombs, incense, and painting shells.

Now, a torrent of creativity has exploded from within me, driving me to experiment with new mediums and work with nature in entirely new ways.

I’m not free of this nightmare yet. I still battle overwhelming physical sensations, PTSD flashbacks, and the constant question of whether I’ll ever feel “normal” again.

I’m still in the thick of this transformative process, a journey marked by a Pluto square, three Saturns, and a Uranus transit—an incredibly intense astrological period of upheaval and disorientation.

But when I create with my hands, when I commune with nature, that’s when I feel most at ease. It’s the only thing I know to do right now.

I have to trust that healing will come in time and that this path is leading me toward something greater.

There’s still so much pain and grief within me, but I continue to transmute it through my artwork.

So…

Was this a betrayal of the plants I’ve always loved so dearly? Or a grand lesson and redirection?

I’m not sure yet. All I know is that I still love the plants.